thinker twister wonderer wanderer

I never expected to let anyone into my study

I valued the heavy closed door between them
and me, for it defined the very nature of the
Retreat. I would delight in private musings there,
all the while wishing to share these
Joys with another. These joys I could not
Articulate on the outside. They were impermanent
And I was frustrated, for I thought them singular
To a singular experience, like a game of solitaire
Or masturbation.

I never expected to let anyone
into my study.

What was the nature of this solitude,
sharing literary moments with mere
dead Poets silent for many years? Did they
share their Joys, or merely share them with the
page? Could they ever know that I revelled
in a meaning I found in their words? And was that
meaning intended?

This all mattered in my study, and I
Determined not to allow anyone entry into my study,
For there they would find only private laughter,
Ignorance and a man alone.

Adrian Hoad-Reddick,
December 1984

 

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